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Waiting -- January 08, 2003

Sam's MRI results were sent to a pediatric neurologist up at CHOC yesterday. From there they may be sent on to UC San Francisco for some specialist to look at. Sam also had another EEG done today to look for any improvements over last week's. Now we just wait. This is the worst part.

On the one hand I'm optimistic because Sam has been doing well the past week and a half. His breathing seems slightly better, he's doing well with eating and he's gaining weight. But I also have come to learn that too much optimism can be dangerous in the NICU. One unfavorable test result, one doctor's suspicions overheard, one negative comment in Sam's chart from a nurse who is unfamiliar with Sam and the optimism is quickly replaced with a sadness (or anger - depending on the day) that we will never get out of the damn NICU with a baby who has a chance at a normal life.

Posted by Mindy at 3:07 PM | Comments (3)
if i didn't know better

had i not crested each wave of labor to your glorious
had i not been there for your debut
i would have thought you were dropped from heaven
your body damaged in the fall
but your spirit whole — big, beautiful and pure

never imagining my love to be so complete and selfless
not expecting my fierce desire to make your little body able
and perfect
or my fear to change anything
lest my meddling somehow diminish your beauty

You have captivated me
my sweet, imperfect angel